The Mid-Life Crisis

We all know how it's characterised. Ageing people getting a desperate need to feel invigorated again and recapture their youth. But what is it really? It's not the thought that I will die one day and that day is getting sooner that's worrying me at all. Those are not the thoughts that are plaguing me at this time. It's the false premise that there is no life after 40, for anyone. The lie that all life ends once you reach that age because face it, no-one really wants to know you anymore. And if you haven't got kids in your life to look after you'll be hard pressed to find any form of usefulness. That's what I'm taking so hard these days.

And the hard part is that this idea was so firmly entrenched within me, latent and unknowingly. I am now confronted with it and wondering just where the hell did I lose my zest for life? Who has stolen my right to meaning and purpose on the planet? And most importantly, if love has passed me by, what will I obsess over now? Having a hobby seems kind of hollow by comparison to the burning desire to find a life partner. It's like someone taking you career out from under you and handing you a cheap set of golf clubs in return. Here you go, you've been an asset to the company for 35 years and now here's a $200 golfbag so you can piss off.

And I know all of this is false but I am finding it so difficult to adjust my sense of worthiness and purpose in life. What am I to do now? If I'm not here to get married, start a business empire, buy up half the real estate in Sydney and change the world like I thought I was, what the hell am I here for?

Yeah I will get over it at some stage. Just as soon as I can accept or make peace with my reality that I'm almost 40 and haven't done anything I thought I was going to do. And the shitty part is, I still feel like I'm 25. In fact I don't think my personality ever moved on from that age, just my body did.

Now I know why late 30's divorces (when a great deal of them happen) are so devastating. Not only are you trying to come to terms with the fact that someone pulled the rug out from under your body, but you've got marital issues as well. And finally signing off the papers and finding yourself suddenly single after 40 must really, really suck. At least I've got a heads up there, I'm already single and used to it.

This stage in my life feels so empty and meaningless and the only way out of it is to find some meaning that is not age dependant. The Mid-Life Crisis must surely be nothing more than...

The search for worth in a world that has taught us all worth is age related.